Be Proactive

 

I am not usually one who takes well to the latest trendy self improvement books.  But recently I have hade the opportunity to begin coaching a young person in how to become more effective in a business situation.  At our first meeting, we discussed mutual aims for our time together and all of a sudden I remembered the book that had a big impact on me almost 20 years ago – so no longer trendy.  It is The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey.  So I suggested that we read it together and see what we can learn.

 

So far we have only covered the first habit, Be Proactive.  Perhaps you have read the book before and will appreciate being reminded of it.  If you haven’t read it, you may want to pick up a copy and start your own study group. 

 

This article is about that first Habit and will draw very heavily on the book by Covey.

 

A very good friend of mine says it starts with the “C” word. Choice.  We have the choice the moment we get out of bed in the morning as to what the day will be like for us.  If you saw my friend you would say, “Oh the poor guy, look at him he can hardly walk.  He can hardly, even after several attempts, get out of his chair.”  And if you knew him better you would know that he has had prostate cancer, he has artificial knees and hips and is anticipating in the next few weeks having to get an artificial shoulder because moving his right arm is so painful, he can barely lift it.  An on top of all this, he has Parkinson’s disease.

 

My friend, if I remember correctly, is 68 years old.  He wouldn’t have to get up everyday and go to business appointments, teach classes, or author a book.  He could hang up his business life and retire to the sidelines.  But his choice is to not let his physical ailments put a stop to what he loves to do.

 

We are all familiar with the Stimulus - Response model of behavior.  It is also known as the reactive model of behavior.  Everyday we are bombarded with stimuli.  And every day we react.  But what drives our reaction?  Victor Frankl, while in a Nazi concentration camp came to the conclusion that he could decide within himself how all of this was going to affect him.  He had the freedom or power to choose the response.  Between stimulus and response is our greatest power – the freedom to choose.

 

I will say that again.  Between stimulus and response is our greatest power – the freedom to choose.  It is a deceptively simple phrase.  But if you can live by it, it is truly liberating.

 

Unfortunately most of us operate in the reactive mode.  We are driven by feelings, by circumstances, by conditions and by our environment.  If we could live by the “C” word, we could operate in the proactive mode.  We would be driven by our carefully thought out and carefully chosen set of personal values, and we would realize that many times it is not what happens to us, but our response to what happens to us that hurts us.

 

Covey gives several examples of language that describes people operating in the Reactive and the Proactive modes.  Do you find yourself using any of the following or similar phrases?

 

 

            Reactive Language                                            Proactive Language     

There’s nothing I can do	Let’s look at our alternatives
That’s just the way I am	I can choose a different approach
He makes me so mad	I control my own feelings
I have to do that	I will choose an appropriate response
I can’t	I choose
I must	I prefer
If only	I will

 

 

Covey also suggests, “Another way for us to become more self-aware regarding our own degree of proactivity is to look at where we focus our time and energy.”  We all have many concerns about things going on in our lives.  We fret daily about everything from the weather to what the government is or isn’t doing to or for us.  But in the end these are concerns, and we generally have little control over them.  They just sap our time and energy.  Covey calls this our Circle of Concern.  This is the territory of reactive people.

 

What we should be focusing on is our Circle of Influence – where proactive people focus their efforts.  In this circle we can have an effect and can make a difference.

 

 

                                     

 

 

 

 

With practice and experience, what people have learned is that if you become proficient at being proactive in your circle of influence, your circle of influence will grow.  This allows you to actually impact some of the things that were previously in your circle of concern.

 

When you are proactive in your circle of influence, you must be aware that there are consequences for the actions you choose.  Some of those consequences are out in the circle of concern where they are out of our control.  When those consequences aren’t good or can be considered mistakes, you need to respond proactively based on your values rather than reactively based on your feelings at the time.

 

Covey challenges everyone reading his book to try the thirty day test of proactivity.  I will do the same.  Be deliberate in responding in a proactive rather than a reactive way.  You might find it helpful to keep a little data sheet to monitor your progress.  I can tell you that this is not easy.  I find it helpful to try to hit the pause button before responding to issues that come from my emotions.   I can attest that you will be amazed at the power and freedom that comes form being in charge of how you react to everyday situations.  As illustrated in the earlier story of my friend using the “C” word, this really works.