CONSTRUCTIVE FEEDBACK

 

From time to time we get involved in situations that are really not that pleasant. I was a participant in a meeting recently in which one of the “team” members was just down right nasty and disruptive. Unfortunately this wasn’t the first time. I began thinking, what should we do about this. As it turned out, I (we) didn’t do anything. But following the meeting, I kept thinking how can we deal with this problem. And as is usually the case in situations like this, I go to the bookshelf (not the web?) and see what I can find.

 

I soon pulled the TEAM HANDBOOK by Peter Scholtes off the shelf and found a section in the book called Working Through Group Problems: Constructive Feedback. The first thing I was reminded of was that feedback can be both positive and negative, i.e., we should not take good work for granted and only give feedback when there are problems. The steps for giving feedback apply to positive as well as negative situations.

 

So here are the steps, primarily slanted toward the negative behavior side as outlined in the book, that I intend to follow.

 

Be Descriptive

Objectively as possible, say what you saw the other person do or say.

 

Don’t Use Labels

Be clear, specific and unambiguous. Avoid words like unprofessional, prejudiced, and irresponsible. Describe the behavior and drop the labels.

 

Don’t Exaggerate

Be exact. Avoid those words like “always and never” unless they are true.

 

Don’t Be Judgmental

This is a tough one, since in your opinion something isn’t right, but at least avoid words like “good, better, bad, worst, and should.”

 

Speak for Yourself

Don’t talk for other people. This leads to triangulation. Encourage others to speak for themselves.

 

Talk First About Yourself, Not about the Other Person

Avoid statements beginning with the word “You.” This is the time to use “I” statements.

Here is a suggested seven-step guide.

1. “When you…” Describe the behavior without judgment.
2. “I feel…” Tell how the behavior affects you.
3. “Because I…” Say why you are affected that way.
4. (Pause for discussion) Let the other person respond.
5. “I would like…” Describe the change you want.
6. “Because…” Say why you think the change will alleviate the problem.
7. “What do you think?” Listen to the person’s response and be prepared to compromise or look at other options.

 

Phrase the Issue as a Statement, Not a Question

Many times we find ourselves saying things like, “Why do you always dominate the meeting?” We should say, “I feel annoyed when you dominate the meeting.”

 

Restrict Your Feedback to Things You Know for Sure

Don’t present your opinions as facts. Speak only of what you saw and heard and what you feel and want.

 

I am going to give this a try when the moment is right, not just for me but for the other person as well. I really do care about this person, and we need to get over this problem. We have important work to do.

 

Maybe you have a similar situation. Give these ideas a try. If you want to know more, get a copy of the Team Handbook. It is a valuable resource.